Falling
星期三, 二月 2nd, 2011You know that little voice, the one that comes from the back of your head, often when you’re thinking about something? I sometimes think it is my grandfather, who left this world early before I was born.
I know little about my grandfather. We hardly ever speak of him, and I never ask, for fear that it would hurt my father. But deep down in my heart I want to know him so badly. So when I got older, when worries started to enter my life, when no one alive was able to understand my thoughts, I would pretend he is right here, with me, listening to my every word.
Sometimes he gave me advice, like the time I was driven crazy by gossip and didn’t how to deal with it. Sometimes he gave me reassurance, often when I was worried about my future. But this time, I am falling, and he cannot save me. For once, he tells me “it’s okay”, and I don’t believe him.
The little voice, other times, I think of it as my conscience. If I waste my time, or hurt someone I love, I get a sinking feeling in my heart, and that is my conscience, helping me tell which is right and wrong. But now, I feel as though I’m falling. I am wasting time, and I know it. The final exam is near, but I’m too terrified to face it.
(更多…)